Rambling; clearing my head

Last weekend my Grandma passed away. I didn’t know her very well since she lived in Europe but it was heartbreaking to see my stoic father crumble as he lost his mother. We had received a call from my aunt one evening that my grandma had been hospitalized and, the very next evening, my dad was on a plane to visit her. She was holding on but he had not arrived in time to bid his final farewell.

Today, my mom called me to let me know that my bird had passed on, too. I had Lulu for 11 years. I’m not sure if I’m relieved that I am away from home; I wouldn’t have wanted to find her on the bottom of her cage. I’m so entirely regretful that I’ve been away for the last few years and haven’t had the chance to spend time with her.

It terrifies me that those 11 years flew by, who knows when my elderly cat will inevitably pass on or, even worse, when I’ll have to face my both my parents’ morality. Its tough seeing your parents mourn their parents; those are people who loved them unconditionally for their whole lives. My mom’s mother passed away over a decade ago and, yet, every year on January 7th she quietly mentions how old her mother would have been if she were able to celebrate her own birthday. And, every year, she somberly confesses, “I still miss her.”